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For what official press statements are calling "some reason," Major League Baseball has awarded their 2009 National League Cy Young award to Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum is most famous for winning the award last year, and for recently being arrested for possession of marijuana. He is an enchanter and an amazing pitcher, but my blogger sense is telling me to jump to irrational conclusions and declare that he didn't deserve it. He only won 15 games, which is even less than Greinke. Whatever, Jeter won a gold glove again, we might as well give participation trophies to everyone.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The streak is over. The American League completely ignored the 7-9 record and 1.62 WHIP of Cleveland's Aaron Laffey and named Kansas City's Zack Greinke as their 2009 Cy Young Award winner. With Greinke's accomplishment comes the realization that the Indians have no choice but to keep all of their pitchers next season and that my Tribe bobblehead collection is about to get fifteen more Grady Sizemores in occupational clothing.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

When asked to name the Major League Baseball player who most resembles Allen Iverson, Detroit Tiger and fellow Lynchburg, Va. alumni Brandon Inge wouldn't be at the top of the list. But here we are in September and those forearm tattoos he got back in August still haven't worn off. If the Tiger manage to make the playoffs, he should compete in a retro headband and a big arm-sized glove that makes him look like Sally Jupiter.

As the race for the AL Central heads into the home stretch, it is important to analyze these tattoos and see how they match up with the rest of the division. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

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The Dugout favorites Jim Thome and Manny Ramirez have taken a break from danging dingers together on the playoff-bound Los Angeles Dodgers to travel the country and possibly fictional dreamscape lands to reuinte the 1997 Cleveland Indians and right the wrongs of the 97 World Series. The quest is almost complete, and now we learn what happened in the MLB Journeyman Chatroom, and where the dynamic twosome are headed next.

Part 6 of The Dugout: It's Tribe Time Now is after the jump.

Welcome to part five of our apparently 30-part series about how Jim Thome and Manny Ramirez play for the same team, just like when they were part of the 1997 World Series challenging Cleveland Indians.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Once you have caught up on the previous four parts, remember that none of this is newsworthy and that we've ingratiated ourselves enough at Fanhouse by this point to occasionally make the casual reader here to discuss how he feels about Prince Fielder's baseball-disgracing shirt tuck think we are on crack. Is this a real chat??? Part 5 of 30 is after the jump.

Wednesday night's loss to the White Sox didn't help the Royals' playoff chances one bit. It was a sobering night for Royals fans, who now have to come to terms with the possibility that their team might not be playing baseball late into October.

This team can still make it this year, though, if they do a few things right. There's a very strong possibility that today's Dugout is after the jump.

Google has rendered private detectives largely unnecessary. The video game revolution has brought tough times upon jump rope manufacturers. And now, as Lackey reports, a pair of baseball-playing robots have been built. Yes, it's only a matter of time before today's baseball players are disenfranchised for the benefit of a weird-looking arm thing that sits on a table and chucks a baseball.

More to the point, though: never, ever let bots into chat rooms. Your Dugout is after the jump.

In a ridiculous but true story we couldn't possibly make up, Kansas City Royals relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth continued his 2009 Farewell to the Major Leagues Tour today by having to get four stitches in his left index finger after being bitten by one of his dogs. According to the report, he was bitten while trying to break up a fight between the canines, but anybody who has ever read a Dugout knows that is totally NOT what he was doing, and chances are it was something even more absurd that what you are about to read.

Sometimes Barry Bonds dresses up like Paula Abdul, sometimes Jim Thome hits a game-winning home run on Opening Day, and sometimes Kyle Farnsworth gets bitten by a dog. Thank you, God, for having a sense of humor. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

So far, The Dugout has established three relatively static "straight man" characters on the Royals: pitchers Zack Greinke, Brian Bannister, and Joakim Soria. This season, of course, they're joined by perennial Dugout man-children Kyle Farnsworth and Sidney Ponson. So we can say that the Royals have a Full House, Aces full of Jokers, and shovel this terrible poker-centric joke on top of the massive pile of poker-centric jokes that the Royals have had to suffer over the years.

Today's Dugout is after the flop.

This seriously happens to me every year.

The season ends, and I get depressed. But the offseason still needs Dugouts, so I bust "A" and work hard to find stories and interesting situations for Dugouts throughout the offseason, when no baseball is occuring and everything is heresay and conjecture. Five months go by and we've done 2,000 Dugouts about (essentially) nothing. We keep saying, "Man, I can't wait until the season starts, and doing Dugouts will be easier!"

Then the season starts. Suddenly, it is three weeks later and we've been sitting on our butts loving baseball. We turn to our left, see our computer, go "OH CRAP THE DUGOUT" and spend the entire season making up for the first month we missed.

Oh, and I almost forgot: tonight's Dugout is after the jump.