Halloween came and went and nothing says "excitement" quite like "40 small children of my fellow employees running around in front of my desk, yelling for candy and generally giving me a headache". Of course, nothing says "hiding a headache" quite like wearing a Tony Stewart jacket, sunglasses, and a Home Depot hat. But, I digress. The point is that the described work conditions forced me to finish this piece on a Sunday. But maybe ... just maybe, I will finally be able to pull out a double digit win week in my pick ems. I doubt it, but you never know.
Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (-2) Five or six weeks ago it certainly didn't seem like the Browns had a chance to be favored at anything, unless "Being Forced to Start Brady Quinn, -755" counts. They're still negative in net points and under .500 and behind the Ravens in the division, but there is a whole lotta season left, folks.
Browns -2
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-8.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs As a Panthers fan, I'd love to see Kansas City do some damage here. As a realist, I'm just hoping they can "Tom Brady" Jeff Garcia. Just kidding. Taking out Earnest Graham would be plenty.
Buccaneers -8.5
New York Jets @ Buffalo Bills (-6) Isn't it awesome how not only is Deanna Favre like tooooooooooootally the reason Brett has been so good this season, but also that, um, like as mentioned above, Brady went down for the year and the Jets are still the third best team in their division? Perhaps I'm coming off as a little too hateful here, but I just wish people would grow up and admit that everything about this matchup is overrated, except the Bills.
Just another limp-D 8-6 week. I wonder when I'll finally break through and sniff a double digit win week? Hmm. Maybe this week? Nah. Probably not. The season record now stands at a "creeping-on-a-comeback" 47-53-1 record. And somehow I forgot to post my locks. They will be there this week and indicated by **Guaranteed Loss Team** some sort of thing. Onto the picks.
Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles (-9) The Falcons are a bizarre story -- I know they're winning but I watched the Panthers beat them and ... well, I just don't think they're as good as their record. I also think the Eagles are better than their record. So I'll take the ridiculous nine points.
Eagles -9
Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets (-12.5) What a stout freaking line that is, and I suppose it's indicative of just how crappy the Chiefs are; the Jets, if you recall, did actually just lose to the Raiders. Which, while embarrassing enough, still isn't as bad as having to start Tyler Thigpen at quarterback. This really will be a true test of Herm Edwards' crappiness.
Jets -12.5 Chiefs +12.5
St. Louis Rams @ New England Patriots (-7) Ummm, did I miss something? Because Jim Haslett is undefeated this season. Oh right. I didn't watch any football Monday night. That's why they're so heavily favored. Still, Haslett.
Rams +7
Buffalo Bills (-1.5) @ Miami Dolphins Well, that's just not enough. What a slap in the face to the Buffalo Bills ... yoooooooour 2008 AFC Champions*.
Nothing like a week of mediocrity (8-6) mixed in with a season of, um, worse than mediocrity. And, such a stellar record brings our season total to 39-47-1. Simply. Stunning.
Stunning enough, in fact, that this particular column has been referred to as "Brinson's Bad Picks" (which, in hindsight, is a much cooler name than anything else I've been able to offer).
Tennessee Titans (-9) @ Kansas City Chiefs The Titans are the "best" team in the NFL. The Chiefs are one of the worst. Larry Johnson is out. This should be easy.
Titans -9
San Diego Chargers (-1) @ Buffalo Bills Wow. I'm torn. On one hand, I have tremendous team crush on the Bills. On the other, Philip Rivers is your early season MVP. So, yeah. However, the Chargers are just better and they are favored on the road, so I see no reason to mess with what's worked so well thus far into 2008.
Chargers -1
Pittsburgh Steelers (-10) @ Cincinnati Bengals It's unconventional and stupid to take a team favored by 10 on the road. But not as unconventional and stupid as taking the Bengals.
Well, five weeks in and I finally land my first push. Which is good news (and a little bizarre) I guess, since I still went 5-7-1 for the week. Which brings my astounding season total to 31-41-1. On the bright side, my Tungsten picks are 7-3, so if you've been placing your money ... actually scratch that. If you're wagering on my picks, you're a bigger loser than me.
But, I have been known to occasionally get warm. Streaky business this handicapping. Let's rock.
Oakland Raiders @ New Orleans Saints (-7) You would think that the Saints could come off Monday night's debacle and piece together a decent game against the frigging Raiders. And I don't want Mantz accusing me of jinxing the Saints this week. Or did I just do that? Crap.
Saints -7
Baltimore Ravens @ Indianapolis Colts (-4) Peyton Manning is like the Phil Mickelson of football and that should be self explanatory. (Loser turned winner goofball type.) Sage Rosenfels is still working on that transition so maybe Peyton doesn't deserve all the credit. Still, I'm not generally inclined to bet on Joe Flacco over anyone named Manning.
Colts -4
Cincinnati Bengals @ New York Jets (-6) Doesn't this feel like a trap game? Cincy's horrible but they've at least been close in a few recent games. Jets favored by less than a touchdown, people teasing Brett Favre all over the place (No, not the "Nice painkiller addiction, wuss!!" type of teasing, you jackass.) And then BAM. Ryan Fitzpatrick gets all up in your bidness.
You know the drill by now, right? I make jokes about my current season's record (26-34 UGH) and then I make the picks. The good news is that my Tungsten locks (as denoted by **Team name**) are 6-2 on the season. Making me like a real life Brandon Lang or something.
Indianapolis Colts (-3) @ Houston Texans This is exactly the type of game where I would, in the normal course of stupidity, always take the Colts. How-EVA, it seems like a trap. The Texans can't be this bad, right? And the Colts are without Bob Sanders. I expect lots of points, a Steve Slaton blowup and Andre Johnson to correct his miserable 2008 by scoring four touchdowns. Of course, I also expect to leave work at 4 p.m. today. And somehow, I don't think that's happening.
Texans +3
Tennessee Titans (-3) @ Baltimore Ravens I get that people think this team is really good (some people, like Bill Simmons, are talking Super Bowl), and they are. But I have a few rules in life (very few, in fact) and one of them is that when you get Kerry Collins going against a rejuvenated Ray Lewis on the road and handing out three points, you take those points. No, this rule does not come into play frequently, thank you for asking. Also: the under, please.
Well. That was a rough week last week. Again, I blame Vegas. (Like there was any chance I was going to pull in a winning week after heading out there.) Or maybe I'm just an "every other week" type of gambler. Anyway, last week was a 6-10, with a 1-2 record on my Tungstens. So, um, yeah. 20-27 for the season. You're winning a ton of money if you're betting against me.
Let's rock.
Denver Broncos (-10) @ Kansas City Chiefs If there was ever one time to bet on this 2008 Kansas City Chiefs team, if there was ever one reason to lay money on Herm Edwards this year, if there was one excuse to pull your mortgage certificate out of your safe and hand it over to creepy guy who lives in Garner, NC, well, it was when you saw that +900 prop bet for the Chiefs to go 0-16 this year.
Broncos -10
Cleveland Browns @ Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5) Everything is on the line this week, Derek Anderson. And I mean everything. Well, except the guaranteed portion of your contract. But pride, yeah buddy. It's all hanging out on the line for everyone to see, just like Brady Quinn's social life.
I don't expect to be perfect every week. In fact, I rarely expect to be good. But Ed Hochuli ... you are killing me, sir. Anyway. We've chatted enough about that little debacle enough already, haven't we?
Besides, it's more fun to talk about things that are positive in nature ... like me being 3-0 this week on the STONE COLD TUNGSTEN PIPERS (shown with asterisks). That's right, Brandon Lang (*cough*0-3*cough*), bring it.
Overall, however, not as well, only going 8-7. But hey, we're slowly climbing back up the ladder of mediocrity, checking in with a season record of: 14-17. Woo.
Kansas City Chiefs @ Atlanta Falcons (-6) I feel like the "Loser Bowl" starts us off every week, for whatever reason. Might wanna work on that, BoDog. The beauty of this FAIL-fest, is that the freaking Falcons are going to be 2-1 once it's all said and done. Additionally, we should be just about finished writing up the eulogy for Larry Johnson's fantasy career by the time the 4:15 games kick off.
And what a loser I narrowly avoided being. Or, alternately, "7-9 doesn't make me that big of a loser". Even if Brandon Lang went 2-1. The real problem though, is that I didn't just stick with my "Take All the Favorites" philosophy, which would have netted me an 10-6 week (and would have been 11 if not for that whole Tom Brady thing.)
So, yeah: Season Record (6-10)
I also figure I'm going to pick three STONE COLD TUNGSTEN PIPERS (caps for effect!) each week. Those will be highlighted by an asterisk. And I suppose it would be unfair to go back and pick them for Week 1. I know, I know. It seems silly. But if I get ice cold/white hot, you should make some money. And that's all that matters.
Remember, each week is a season unto itself ... or some crappy motivational phrase like. Anything to make me forget a sub-.500 Week 1.
Oh. Hello there. Do you like to gamblewager on sportsmake plays gamble? Excellent. You're in the right place. Each week here at 'RCAP' I will be walking you, hand in hand, to the promised land of guaranteed winnings, should you choose to follow my advice. You will be 100 percent guaranteed to win at least 90 percent of your picks, almost 11 percent of the time.
And yes! There will be an occasional Anchorman joke or two. No, seriously though, I guarantee nothing. Instead, what I'll do is probably talk about something in this space, show you the lines, sprinkle some snarky commentary amid quasi-analysis and then make a selection.
Why should you keep coming back? Because, I, a career loser of at least two commas in sports wagering, am either going to thrash Brandon Lang's picks -- I believe he will also be shown on FanHouse each week -- and end up with an insanely high winning percentage, or I will go down in flames faster than David Carr in the face of a two-backer blitz prevent defense.
Halloween came and went and nothing says "excitement" quite like "40 small children of my fellow employees running around in front of my desk, yelling for candy and generally giving me a headache". Of course, nothing says "hiding a headache" quite like wearing a Tony Stewart jacket, sunglasses, and a Home Depot hat. But, I digress. The point is that the described work conditions forced me to finish this piece on a Sunday. But maybe ... just maybe, I will finally be able to pull out a double digit win week in my pick ems. I doubt it, but you never know.
Just another limp-D 8-6 week. I wonder when I'll finally break through and sniff a double digit win week? Hmm. Maybe this week? Nah. Probably not. The season record now stands at a "creeping-on-a-comeback" 47-53-1 record. And somehow I forgot to post my locks. They will be there this week and indicated by **Guaranteed Loss Team** some sort of thing. Onto the picks.
Well, five weeks in and I finally land my first push. Which is good news (and a little bizarre) I guess, since I still went 5-7-1 for the week. Which brings my astounding season total to 31-41-1. On the bright side, my Tungsten picks are 7-3, so if you've been placing your money ... actually scratch that. If you're wagering on my picks, you're a bigger loser than me. 
