FanHouse Ronaldo

RECIFE, Brazil (AP) -- Brazil midfielder Kaka finalized his move to Real Madrid on Monday, marking the end of a "soap opera" and the start of a new phase of his career in Spain.

"Now the soap opera is over," said Kaka, decked out in a yellow Brazilian national team jersey after a practice session ahead of Wednesday's Brazil-Paraguay qualifier in the northeastern coastal city of Recife. "The only leftover details were the medical exams, and I've done them. The negotiations are closed and I have sealed my transfer to Real Madrid."

Real Madrid announced the signing of the attacking midfielder from AC Milan earlier Monday. The Spanish club gave no financial details but reports said Madrid will pay Milan 65 million euros ($92 million) for Kaka, making it one of the richest deals in football history.

It's been a thoroughly rotten season for A.C. Milan striker Ronaldo. After years of overeating following his successful 2002 World Cup stint with Brazil, the 31-year-old blew out his left knee, leaving his career in jeopardy.

In times like these, a man seeks comfort. Unfortunately, it seems Ronaldo went looking for love in all the wrong places.

Soccer star Ronaldo was questioned by police early Monday after a run-in with Brazilian transvestites in a Rio de Janeiro motel.

Ronaldo accused one of the transvestites of trying to extort him, police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said Monday night. Nogueira said the altercation began when Ronaldo found out he was dealing with transvestites instead of women. The inspector said Ronaldo admitted he knew they were prostitutes when they met earlier Sunday night but did not realize they were transvestites until they got to the motel.

Really? Is inspecting the merchandise before purchase discouraged in Brazil? Weren't those adam's apples enough of a giveaway? Or was our favorite pie-eater just a little loopy after a bad batch of painkillers for his knee? These are the important questions, people. Six years from now, the World Cup will be in Brazil, where prostitution is legal, and out-of-towners need these helpful hints.

We should start a pool to see how many more stories about hookers and footballers named "Ronaldo" we'll get this year. I have dibs on 3.

(H/T: The Offside)

The sheer amount of hype surrounding 18-year-old Brazilian forward Alexandre Pato has reached a fever pitch in Europe that makes the NBA arrival of LeBron James seem tame by comparison.

Pato is already being compared to Lionel Messi, Barcelona's Argentinian superstar. Some are saying he is not only A.C. Milan's future, but the Italian club's last best hope to save this season. These astronomical expectations made our pal Brian Phillips at The Run of Play wax philosophical.

So what was better, watching him or not watching him? What, between achievement and potential, do we love more? Seeing a player accomplish something has the thrill of reality in it; but our imaginations are always larger than reality, and seeing a player accomplish something also means he can't accomplish more than what we see. In Pato's first match, I saw Ronaldo, one of the best players in the recent history of the game, return from injury and score two goals. But where Ronaldo was only what he was, Pato what infinitely more than he was, and it was Pato who made the game electric.

It's the presence of Ronaldo, however, makes Pato's Italian debut a much more interesting story.