FanHouse Russell Branyon

Poppin' out the box scores and right into your cubicle, the Roto Rush is your double espresso shot of fantasy baseball advice every weekday.

Hahaha. Get it? The Who? Tommy? Yeah. Dated cultural references mixed into fantasy baseball news FTW, eh? Sorry. Anyway, Tommy Hanson made his debut yesterday for the Atlanta Braves -- and while he was perfect through two innings, yeah, notsomuch the rest of the way: Hanson ended up getting knocked around for six hits and six earned through six innings (sign?) while striking out five and giving up three gofer balls.

From the Windup is FanHouse's extended look at a particular portion of America's pastime.

The title to this particular column isn't so much based on the possibility of Ken Griffey, Jr., actually doing anything specific to harm any of us. Instead, it's supposed to be not-so-veiled M.C. Hammer reference. Yes, I am freaking hip like that.

BUT ... I am also freaking aged like that, at least in the sense that my childhood was filled with Hammer cassette tapes, Streetfighter and Upper Deck baseball cards. (What the hell else do you think bloggers are raised on?) And for someone my age or thereabouts, there is no greater UD card than the 1989 Ken Griffey, Jr., Seattle Mariners rookie card.

This is because Griffey as a Mariner defined everything that was good and pure and awesome and not Barry Bonds about baseball; he has(d) the sweetest swing of the modern era, he ran like an antelope, albeit completely in control, through the outfield and he had a cannon arm.

The Mariners made this "kind of a big deal" type noise recently when they announced that they were in talks with a free agent who shall not be named. It seemed logical that it might be Ken Griffey, Jr., but, well, it was not.

But who was this masked man? Why, Russell Branyan of course. You may now release all that baited breath.

Branyan played last season for the Milwaukee Brewers and missed the final month with an oblique strain and was left off Milwaukee's postseason roster. Branyan batted .250 with 12 home runs in 132 at-bats last season. He has a career .813 on-base plus slugging percentage in 11 seasons with eight teams (including Milwaukee twice).

Branyan's best seasons were 2001 (20 home runs with Cleveland) and 2002 (24 home runs splitting the season with Cleveland and Cincinnati).

Wow. How freaking exciting. Thanks for making sure to reeeeaally keep rubbing the salt in the city of Seattle's wounds, Jack Zduriencik. As Snyder noted when JZ (can we call him this?) first mentioned the mystery signing, it might be a little more defensible because it's (meaning "getting back to mediocre") going to be a long road to hoe for the new M's GM, given that the team stinks and has no farm system.

But they do have Erik Bedard. And now Russell Branyan. So there's that.