FanHouse Shapiroandballyhoo

To me, the playoffs mean one thing: the wise decision-making skills of Cleveland Indians General Manager Mark Shapiro! After firing Jim Thome/snapping turtle hybrid Eric Wedge as the Tribe head coach, Shapiro has really gotten down in the dirt to find a new skipper, looking in the only place you're allowed: the big recycling bin of failed coaches who didn't do a good job somewhere else and were fired by someone else. Why they sound PERFECT!

Fun fact: That guy in the photo to the right was eating in Heritage Park and just throwing his trash on the ground. Thanks a lot for your contributions, Cy Young! Have an eighth of a hot dog!

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

In the blurb for yesterday's Dugout, Jon mentioned how difficult it has been to write lately, and how sometimes the honesty of the writer overtakes the sincerity of the project. My problem has been a little bit easier to define: I have been trying to live in the same city as the Cleveland Indians for the last six months. Today's title isn't from a news story or the topic of today's strip, it's just that with all the fastballs to the head going around I wanted to take a moment to picture it happening to someone who deserves it.

Have you ever gone to a bobblehead night for a player who doesn't play for the team anymore? I have. Have you ever watched a crowd sit silently for five innings, then lose their minds for a fictional hot dog race? I have. Do you think John Adams wishes the Yankees had something to do with drumming?

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

This is my Mark Shapiro autograph. He signed it for me while I was at work, a month or so before the season began. I talked to him about baseball for a while, and he mentioned medical reports and how he thought Kerry Wood was going to be really healthy and strong this season. He shook my hand, and he is a gracious gentleman. I want to preface this post with this, because it is my job to stop making excuses now and start going WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THE BASEBALL TEAM over the Internet.

I am not looking forward to buying a facetious, Detroit Lions-esque t-shirt about how great we were in the preseason or something when we finish the season 0-162. Tonight's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump. Tomorrow's Wahoo Messenger will just be a big picture of LeBron James.

On my Myspace page there is a picture of me posing with John Adams, the Cleveland Indians drum guy. The smile on my face will let you know how sincere my loyalties to the Indians are, and how excited I am every time I walk into Progressive Field to watch The Tribe play. Even on dollar dog day, when they substitute the normal hot dogs with these wretched, bile-soaked wieners that make your stomach feel like Sal Fasano's face. I also have mark photos with Ketchup, Mustard, and Onion.

That being said, the only transaction worth nothing from the Indians besides signing and releasing Casey Blake again for fun is the addition of Kerry Wood to the bullpen. Wood is getting $20.5 million for two years with an option for a third year.

It is in times like these when my professional loyalties must come before my recreational loyalties. Kerry Wood in an Indians uniform is still Kerry Wood, by God, and if we make it to that third year option without at least five surgeries I will consider it a glorious miracle.

This morning's Native American Dugout is after the jump.