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FanHouse Sports Humor

Latest Sports Humor Stories

The Tocchet Line: Who Will Be the Next Publicity Stunt/Guest Head Coach in the NHL?

Named in honor of noted gambling aficionado Rick Tocchet, The Tocchet Line is an occasional feature on NHL FanHouse in which we even out the odds for the likelihood of various hockey-related happenings.

As Eric McErlain noted today on FanHouse, Al Arbour's one-shot return to the New York Islanders' bench was a very big deal. Not only did the NHL legend coach his 1,500th game, but the Islanders managed to piss off hockey purists with nary a 15-year contract in sight. So successful was Arbour's cameo appearance, one can't help but wonder who else might be in line for a flimsy publicity stunt moment of honor and distinction. The Tocchet Line handicaps the field:

Barry Melrose (2:1) - The Mullet must return! If not because he's the key to landing sponsorship with Mario's House of Mafioso Pinstripes, then because he's looking so laid back these days on ESPNews that I'm pretty sure he could coach an entire NHL game with a copy of The Hockey News in one hand and a Tom Collins in the other.

Phil Goyette, Terry Simpson, Lorne Henning, Mike Milbury, Butch Goring, Peter Laviolette and Steve Stirling (6:1) - Did you see the attendance for the Islanders' win against the Penguins on Al Arbour Night? Incredible ... a sellout at the Nassau Coliseum, and the Rangers weren't even playing. Based on those numbers alone, they should bring everyone that ever coached the Islanders back for one night only. Can you imagine the nostalgic joy that is Steve Stirling Night?

Paul Newman (15:1) - Get the Hansons out of moth balls and grab the foil, because Reggie Dunlop's finally coaching an NHL team! Would you have him behind the bench in Philly, where the Flyers are currently perfecting their own brand of "old time hockey?" Nah ... gotta have him in Florida, where the Charlestown Chiefs were going to be relocated -- if the rumors were true, that is.

Video of the Day: It's a Don Cherry Christmas!

OK, it's not the Don Cherry -- it's Canadian voice actor Rodney Dean, an impressionist whose repertoire ranges from Willie Nelson to Quagmire from "Family Guy." Truth be told, he does a pretty mean Cherry; this YouTube gem envisions a "Coach's Corner" fantasy land in which Ron MacLean is a mute, there's no tape delay and Grapes can freely suck down icy suds during his rants while breaking into song. In this case, it's a puckhead reworking of the holiday classic "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." Sample prose:

"Now, I put up with those Russians/
And those Swedes? Yeah, they're OK/
But boy, I gotta tell ya somethin'/
Nuthin' like a good Canadian, eh?"



Previously on FanHouse:
Cherry to Make U.S. TV Debut on NBC
Is Brett Hull "One and Done" at NBC?

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