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If you've never seen The Colbert Report before, please take the following steps -- close your browser, shut down your computer, and move to another country. Seriously, Stephen Colbert's ability to make any and all confrontations between famous authors, politicians and now college basketball coaches funny is a thing of beauty. Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski was on the Report Tuesday, talking about his new book and, thanks to Colbert, he somehow wound up comparing Stephen to LeBron James.

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Stephen Colbert has an interesting idea about how Team USA can clean up at the Beijing Olympics:

Colbert calls on all nations of the world to boycott the Beijing games, but he then says the Americans should pull the old boycott-and-switch and show up at the last minute to clean up in the medal count. Sounds like the biggest Olympic boycott scam since Krusty rigged his scratch-and-win cards in 1984.

There's a showdown in the Keystone state next weak of epic proportions. No, the Flyers aren't going up against the hated Penguins in a playoff battle -- yet. Instead it's the showdown for the Democratic Pennsylvania primary that has the entire state buzzing. Barrack and Hillary were in Philadelphia on Wednesday night for what could have been their final debate before a winner is decided

It was a yawner.

Perhaps more importantly for twenty-something youths who have little interest in the future of their country but are more concerned with their late night television, Stephen Colbert has been doing his show all week live from the Annenberg Center at the University of Penn.

On Tuesday night, Colbert debuted his amazing all-in-one Flyers/Sixers/Eagles/Phillies jersey and attempted to violate the Liberty Bell. But last night he had some special ladies introduce the program: the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders.

Rosemead High School, Rod Marinelli's alma mater, recently named its field Marinelli Stadium. Typically, at these ceremonies, you'd discuss Marinelli's excellence on the high school gridiron, how everyone knew that he'd be destined for success one day. Instead, Marinelli's pals discussed the day the Lions coach fought a bear. Sometimes, you've just got to let the blockquote take it away....

There were a lot of car dealerships on Colorado in those days, and they started using gimmicks to attract people. The guys saw a sign: "Wrestle Victor the Bear." All you needed was $10, and you could take him on.
...
"It was cold, the mat was all wet, and this bear was smelly, let me tell you," Schram said. "So we put the money up there, and in goes Rod. Rod did then what he does now: He went in to win."

"There was no hesitation on the guy's part," Gomez said. "He flew into that thing." "And let me tell you," Schram said, "he had that bear on his back in about 10 seconds."

The Russian guy started poking Marinelli with the stick. It startled Marinelli. The bear recovered and pinned him. Marinelli reversed on him, and they went back and forth. The Russian guy declared Victor the victor. Schram and Gomez said they cheated. Marinelli tried to be a good sport.

"Rod goes over to shake the bear's hand," Gomez said, laughing. "The bear doesn't know he's coming to shake hands. The bear attacked him again."

I guess Marinelli actually expected the bear to be familiar with the very human act of shaking hands? Still, that's ballsy. Somewhere, Stephen Colbert is appreciative.