FanHouse Tardasnails

Since learning how much of a misanthropic jerk Lenny Dykstra is capable of being, it's been harder and harder for the public to hold any sympathy for him, even when his plight gets worse and worse. The reluctance is completely justified.

With that said, The Dugout now undertakes the unenviable, and perhaps foolhardy, task of writing Dykstra as a sympathetic figure. Read it after the jump.

When I was little, I wanted to be just like Lenny Dykstra. I wanted to work hard, practice every day, and earn the respect of my peers. Wait, no, hold on, I wanted to be just like Cal Ripken, Jr. My friend Kevin from across the street wanted to be just like Lenny Dykstra. He had a mental disease and used to put dirt in his mouth. Yeah, that's right.

Anyway, Lenny was in the news this week because of an unpaid debt here or there, but the real news is that after this dignity nonsense is taken care of, the magazine entreprenuer and car wash mogul Dykstra is planning to expand his empire and pitch an Internet video game to Curt Schilling.

Yeah, I don't know either. I'm just going to copy-paste the transcript of their post-trial period and let you make sense of it. I can barely even look at this guy.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.