FanHouse Tekwar

This seriously happens to me every year.

The season ends, and I get depressed. But the offseason still needs Dugouts, so I bust "A" and work hard to find stories and interesting situations for Dugouts throughout the offseason, when no baseball is occuring and everything is heresay and conjecture. Five months go by and we've done 2,000 Dugouts about (essentially) nothing. We keep saying, "Man, I can't wait until the season starts, and doing Dugouts will be easier!"

Then the season starts. Suddenly, it is three weeks later and we've been sitting on our butts loving baseball. We turn to our left, see our computer, go "OH CRAP THE DUGOUT" and spend the entire season making up for the first month we missed.

Oh, and I almost forgot: tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

Red Sox captain Jason Varitek is only being offered a one-year deal by the team. Given the circumstances, he's likely done in Boston. So in 2009, Varitek will hit .246 for, like, the Newark Blood Hens, and the Sox will be left with an empty captain's chair.

Why do baseball teams assign team leaders with a naval rank, rather than "field general" or something? What does a captain do? And once he's gone, will they even be able to tell?

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

What's great is that that guy on the right can reuse his sign if it doesn't snow in Philadelphia until January. Why did he draw snowflakes in the corners? Did he need to fill the negative space that badly? Maybe this is his 756th sign and there was a problem.

In case you did not read part 1 and are unable to scroll your browser down slightly, tonight's Dugout is a two-parter that seeks to celebrate the accomplishment that is winning a World Series and condemn any team that did not win said Series as a "bad team." Maybe it's the Cleveland sports fan in me. If you made it to the World Series and won 1 game your season has ended in SHAME and MISERY for all who support you! Sign Mark Teixeira and call me when it's next September!

Wait, what am I typing again? Part 2 actually contains an undercurrent of "yay Phillies" while maintaining that "uh oh, everyone else" thing I've been bred to feel. Part 2 of 2 is after the jump.

Ever since we heard about Manny Ramirez's scuffle with Kevin Youkilis last night, we at The Dugout have been feverishly working to devise a series of circumstances that could have possibly led to our beloved man-child getting in the face of a teammate.

Manny is surely among the most popular Dugout characters. Let it be known that whenever an unflattering story surfaces about him, we will bend the facts to our wishes and make up the rest. Manny chucked a Molotov cocktail into a bus full of nuns, you say? What you fail to realize is that he caught a "fire bug" in a bottle and was giving it to them as a present.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.