1) Reliant K Kyle Farnsworth has obviously not been on vacation all week. However, the Dugout version of Farnsworth has been on vacation (and yes, he's the religion he says he is in real life too) and if you can't disassociate the two and need a kayfabed explanation, the one who has been pitching in Yankees games this week wasn't Kyle at all but his evil pseudo-brother Jeff.
2) The subject who appears at the end of this strip was brought up and requested in tonight's Baseball is Boring: Mariners-Red Sox live blog. We really do listen to you guys. We wouldn't be doing these (and getting paid to do these) for Fanhouse if it wasn't for our audience, so we always want to know what you want and hear what you have to say. If you haven't been reading BiB you've been missing out and should remedy that. Especially now, before it gets popular and gets its own Fanhouse tag.
What a terrible time to be a relief pitcher. We're only a month and a half into the season and already people are being pulled out of position for poor performance, scolded for showing emotion, and blamed for managerial jobs being put on the line. The worst examples of this have been St. Louis's Jason Isringhausen and Milwaukee's Eric Gagné.
In today's Dugout, we discuss the many reasons how and why St. Louis's Jason Isringhausen and Milwaukee's Eric Gagné are the worst examples. Oh boy, are they a couple of bad examples.
(Oh yeah, and if you don't get Izzy's screen name, say his last name out loud slowly.)
Kyle Farnsworth getting suspended for ANYTHING is Dugout-worthy news, much less getting suspended for throwing a fastball at Manny Ramirez's head. I don't know if he deserved the three-game suspension. I also don't know if he purposefully pitched at Manny's head, but honestly a part of me would be pretty disappointed if he didn't. We came up with your nickname before your announce team did, you might as well do something for our benefit every now and then. He should've thrown the ball at Manny's head, and while Manny was reacting Kyle should've ran up and tried to punch him.
Today's Dugout is the undoubtedly true story of what happened before, during, and after the at-bat. Inside this Dugout you will hopefully find a snippet of dialogue (unfortunately) lacking in misplaced curse words but still ridiculous and unnecessary enough to replace "go rerish" as the thing we're most remembered for. I don't want to be solely remembered as the "go rerish" guy. I mean, I didn't even come up with that. Some oriental guy did!
hold onto your butts; Big Country vs. Manny, after the jump.
The "Bobby Cox smacks his forehead like he's Bull from Night Court" picture is the only image of Getty I like as much as Roger Clemens in the Mitchell Report. It's totally out of context and he's just wiping his face, but it's a great tool to illustrate the frustration and utter futility that comes from being the best team in the league for a decade and a half and then immediately becoming, well, what the Braves are right now.
It's not like they're hopeless. There's still a chance they could win the division and then win it 34 more years in a row. There's also a chance that Mike Hampton is going to show up on opening day and tell us he's fine and was just kidding. There's a better chance of Mike Hampton being crapped on by a bird and having that crap infect him with Super SARS and make his head fall off.
Your official The Dugout Guide to This Year in the National League East:
The Mets will win a lot of games.
The Phillies will win a lot of games.
The friggin Florida Marlins will win the division with nothing but Luis Gonzalez and a big snapping trading card binder with pictures of actual professional baseball players in it.
Yesterday's Spring Dugz (sprung dugz) dealt with character growth and the development of personality that comes with time. Today's Spring Dugz (springing dugz) is the exact opposite of that, because until Jeffrey Loria turns into a winged monster and breaks the bonds of his life the Marlins are pretty much boned. But boned in a good way, where they win World Series championships.
We're a little late on the Spring Dugz tonight (consider it "Autumn Dugz") and the topic isn't technically the St. Louis Cardinals, but we can never resist these baseball noir, or any chance to give a guest appearance to our most successful and longest-running NPC the Lady Cop. Not since the woman ran out a grits have we needed her so badly.
Scott Spiezio. What else can be said? The guy is a grade-A douchebag and deserves every bad thing that comes to him. I hope he gets the help he needs in real life as much as anybody else, but moreso I hope he gets all the kicks to the ass he needs in real life. I wish there was some sort of futuristic cyborg LadyCop who could choke back.
After the jump: not a heck of a lot about training during Spring. But hey.
You mess with the fat old bull you get the fat old horns!
Today the Dugout continues its Spring Training tradition and its center-of-the-Earth-like journey through the NL Central with the Houston Astros, a team so into media coverage that you'd almost forget they play baseball.
I like to think that Clemens is just a fan of Larry David and is doing this as an artistic homage to getting in trouble at work, quitting dramatically, and then just showing up the next day like nothing happened. Either that or he is just SO GUILTY that his body can't handle it and his guilt is seeping out of him and turning him into a giant Tetsuo monster. Either way, "hey guys, the Astros."
The Pittsburgh Pirates are going to right a wrong in the sports world this season. After the New England Patriots same so close to an undefeated season only to lose it all in the final moments, the Pirates are going to conquer the world of baseball and go 162-0 with the team they have and the power of dreams!
And if they lose? Well, all the kids on the hipster t-shirt circuit get a "161-1" yellow and black novelty tee.
On today's Spring Dugz (are we seriously calling it that), we take step one on the year-long journey toward destiny with the Pittsburgh Pirates. And hey, we managed to get this one done without throwing in the mascot!
A couple of weeks ago, fellow Dugouteer Nick got a chance to write about Pedro Martinez and his involvement with cockfighting, which is like just like the UFC, except the participants don't have free will and there's no sense of pride and competition clouding up the bloodshed and gut-spilling. Also, they have knives. So it's like Tank Abbott in the UFC if you've stolen his leather jacket.
Anyway, Nick usually gets the good Dugout topics. He got to write about Barry Bonds dressing like Paula Abdul. But thankfully, Aramis Ramirez's stance of YEAH I LIKE TO FIGHT COCKS YOU WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT has given me enough of an excuse to do my own take on the story.
Oh, if you don't get his screen name, his name is pronounced "a-ROM-iss." Today: Fighting Death Birds! after the jump.
The Dugout is a feature at FanHouse that brings the lives of Major League Baseball players directly to you...sort of. The official chatroom of the MLB keeps you up to date with all the recent happenings of your favorite players both on the field and off.
So last week was rookie hazing week and we really didn't see the bang that we used to. Not to say I don't enjoy seeing this stuff, but those Yankees cheerleading uniforms will never be topped. They must have had those things designed and made months in advance. Too funny.
Regardless this was one of those days where I read literally every sports blog I know of and couldn't put much together. These are the days where I consider posting a fake headline here just so I can cite it and have something funny to write about. I guess this'll do.
Two notes before tonight's Dugout:
What a terrible time to be a relief pitcher. We're only a month and a half into the season and already people are being pulled out of position for poor performance, scolded for showing emotion, and blamed for managerial jobs being put on the line. The worst examples of this have been St. Louis's 
The "Bobby Cox smacks his forehead like he's Bull from Night Court" picture is the only image of Getty I like as much as Roger Clemens in the Mitchell Report. It's totally out of context and he's just wiping his face, but it's a great tool to illustrate the frustration and utter futility that comes from being the best team in the league for a decade and a half and then immediately becoming, well, what the Braves are right now.
Your official The Dugout Guide to This Year in the National League East:
We're a little late on the Spring Dugz tonight (consider it "Autumn Dugz") and the topic isn't 
You mess with the fat old bull you get the fat old horns!
The Pittsburgh Pirates are going to right a wrong in the sports world this season. After the New England Patriots same so close to an undefeated season only to lose it all in the final moments, the Pirates are going to conquer the world of baseball and go 162-0 with the team they have and the power of dreams!
A couple of weeks ago, fellow Dugouteer 
The Dugout is a feature at FanHouse that brings the lives of Major League Baseball players directly to you...sort of. The official chatroom of the MLB keeps you up to date with all the recent happenings of your favorite players both on the field and off.
