FanHouse Vlad_the_implayer

This morning, things just seemed different. I could tell. I had a little more spring in my step. The air tasted just a little more sweet. Little did I know that we'd be finding out Sammy Sosa had tested positive for banned substances in 2003! It was closure. Like figuring out the ending to a movie in the first five minutes, then having it last for 15 years.

Stories this obvious need an esoteric approach, and until the Roto Rush starts contemplating Heaven as a series of interlocking plane terminals and hotel suites, that's our job.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

We've covered the Rangers, the Mariners, and the Athletics, but no look at the AL West would be complete without the team that actually won the West, the California Angels of Anaheim by way of Los Angeles. You may remember them from their playoff loss during every year in baseball history, or from the Disney movie where they are only good when helped by selfless dead people.

Today's Dugout is after the jump. You may need a Babel fish.

Despite being three and a half games ahead of the competition in the American League West, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have a big problem - their players keep getting hurt, and nobody knows why. Vlad Guerrero and Scot Shields are getting check out for health issues and Chone Figgins has a hamstring made out of velcro. In unrelated stories, Kendry Morales was gored to death in a bullfight and Jose Arredondo had a bomb stuffed in his mouth, was blown up from the inside, and tumbled into a pit of lava where he was then burned to death.

So.

Today's Dugout examines the problems in Los Angeles (or Anaheim?) and using the in-depth baseball analysis Fanhouse has become famous for, blames the problem on the 1990s remake of a 1950s movie. Here's to hoping they come out with another Pirates of the Caribbean movie so we can get Pittsburgh in a few of these.

Angels inside of the Outfield, after the jump.