FanHouse Wakamole

Earlier this week it was reported that former World Series MVP and Seattle Mariners bullpen coach John Wetteland had been taken to a hospital with an undisclosed "mental issue." Some reports said it was an issue related to suicide, some where saying it was a domestic dispute that got out of hand... I've been refreshing my Twitter page for the last four days in the hopes of getting the scoop, but all I've learned so far is that Lady Gaga is "fug," Bill Belichick has no idea how to coach professional football, and that one of my friends is RT: about to eat dinner.

Regardless, the Mariners are Serious Business™ in the world of The Dugout, so I wanted to skip the facts and get straight to anonymously slandering people. Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

I've been trying to put together something on Adrian Beltre's horrifying testicular injury for days now. My original effort was the result of me turning on caps lock, banging the keyboard with my fists, staring at the ceiling, and screaming. It was probably the most honest thing I've ever written, but it was kind of a long read, so I scrapped it.

In its place, today's Dugout is after the jump.

This handsome devil, former Vice President Dick Cheney pitcher Erik Bedard, is on the disabled list again, this time because of inflammation in his left shoulder. Wikipedia tells me that about half of the letters in Erik Bedard's name are supposed to have accent marks over them, but I don't know how to put an accent over a capital E. The Mariners are hanging in there in the AL West and even closer to a Wild Card, so losing one of their top pitchers right here in the middle of the season when they can't use him or trade him is tough.

Tonight's Dugout deals with this important talking point and others (for example, "why does Don Wakamatsu's face look like that in his photo day picture, I mean were they shining a light in his face or what"), after the jump.

The Dugout continues to meander through every team in the major leagues, stopping briefly to superficially mock each one. On Tuesday we visited the Rangers and their horrible pitching staff. This time around, we visit the Seattle Mariners and their horrible hitting.

The Mariners disappointed on the field in 2008, and the team responded by firing general manager Bill Bavasi, manager John McLaren, and everyone on Earth who has ever heard of the Mariners. Their most celebrated personnel move, though, has been the re-acquisition of Ken Griffey, Jr. Meanwhile, the team's negotiations with Penny Hardaway and the "Dan vs. Dave" guys continue to progress.

Mariners fans, your Dugout is after the jump.

Hey guys! The end of November is the perfect time for some positive content about the Seattle Mariners! November is over in like a day, so get it while you can!

Believe it or not, there are some positive things going on in Seattle. The Mariners made Don Wakamatsu the first Asian-American manager in baseball history. There might be a strip club going in 400 feet from the ballpark! They're ... uh ... getting new uniforms? No. Ichiro is getting along with his teammates! They aren't going to gang up and beat him down! Well, maybe. What else is there to get positive about in Seattle? Cobain's dead, but the Peppermint Mocha Twist is still pretty great!

The offseason is when we finally get to stop talking about teams that win and do things and get to people like the Twinkies and the M's, so pull up a chair (I assume you are standing at your computer) and enjoy tonight's late night Dugout, after the jump.