FanHouse Yermainguy

This morning, White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle drank sangria in the park. He fed animals in the zoo, then later, a movie too, and then home. Just a perfect day. And he finished it with a single pitch. Do they give peabody awards for sports blog intros? They should, because the next line is going to be presented by itself, so that you know it is more important.

A perfect game.

The 18th in the history of Major League Baseball.

Tonight's perfectly reasonable approach to a Dugout about these events is after the jump.

The White Sox experienced an awful Thursday. They were beaten 20-1, their most lopsided loss in history, by the Twins. Worse, their plans to acquire one of the best pitchers in baseball, Jake Peavy, were dashed. Things were so bad that I felt it appropriate to post a picture of a non-smiling Jim Thome. It took me a while to dig one up.

Friday's Dugout, specifically engineered to draw the ire of White Sox fans, is after the jump.

On April 16th, 1916, Ray Shook suited up for the Chicago White Sox ... or so they say. I invite you to take a look at his career statistics. If the statistics are to be believed, Ray Shook played one career game, but made zero plate appearances. To boot, he did not pitch, and he did not field. Perhaps he was brought in as a pinch runner at some point, or perhaps he never played at all.

Ray Shook is quite possibly the least consequential baseball player of all time, trumping even Moonlight Graham. April 16th was his day. He was celebrated. Then some jerk named Jackie Robinson got famous and had April 15th named after him. Shook was forgotten. To my knowledge, the only picture of him on the Internet is the one to the right, which I just drew in Microsoft Paint.

I hereby commence belated celebration for Ray Shook Day, and I encourage you to do the same by ... not playing baseball, I suppose. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

There is no greater time than the beginning of baseball season, especially when you write for a sports blog and you happen to be so beloved by the Christian God that he manipulates the happenstance of professional sports to make your feature better.

That's exactly what happened today, when the Kansas City Royals opened up their season in Chicago against the White Sox. If you don't know what happened, allow me to set the stage. The White Sox and Royals were supposed to open the season on Monday, but the conditions weren't perfect and the stars weren't aligned, and a bitter cold forced them to postpone the game for a day. The Royals were up 2-1, but when the White Sox came up to bat in the eighth... well, I'll let you read about it, because hahaha

The 2009 Dugout Season starts tonight, after the jump.

According to insider reports, Ozzie Guillen knows how he wants to die: on the field, mid-pitching change. He wants to die, be dragged off the field, and replaced instantaneously. In equally important news, the sky is blue and Kyle Farnsworth's favorite food is "hamburgers."

But no Ozzie sentence can go unanalyzed, so here is not only a comic about what he said, but about what he said before and after the comment with liberal existential nonsense from WordupThome.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. That's it, bring in the next man.

I didn't get to write one of these yet, so without further adieu, part four of A Very Dugout Christmas.

Enjoy them while they last, because after this we put it all to rest. No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle. No flowers, no wedding dress.

At night (or whenever you click this link coming up) we go down to The Dugout.

It's official: Kosuke Fukudome is coming to America! The royal penis is clean!

He could end up on the West Coast playing for the Padres or the Mariners (who have a contractual obligation to offer money to all Japanese human beings, apparently), or, if the Dugout is lucky, he'll end up playing for either Chicago team. If he plays for the Sox, we get more situations for Jim Thome. If he ends up a Cub, he gets run over by a steam engine. It's a win-win situation.

Jim Thome introduces the new Sox prospect to his team after the jump.