FanHouse Zachrandolph

FanHouse previews all 30 NBA teams in advance of the 2009-10 season.

The Grizzlies are not a joke. They are the punchline. That's where they've fallen to. They aren't even the setup for the joke. They're just mentioned as the end point.

A little under two years ago, Grizzlies GM Chris Wallace (and by that, we mean owner Michael Heisley) traded Pau Gasol for cap room and some loose junk. The only valuable component they got out of the deal was Marc Gasol. The move elicited everything from mockery to outrage from pundits and even league personnel. Things have not improved considerably since.

Josh Childress started for an NBA team. Von Wafer played significant minutes on an NBA playoff team. Linas Kleiza once scored 41 points in an NBA regular season game (this ain't no summer league, man!) And they're all members of Olympiakos B.C.

Now since Childress decided to taste the awesome flavor of Dolmades, there has been no great exodus. However, that's now three NBA-quality players that aren't even the huge stars on OBC. Which begs a question. We know the NBA elite boast teams that could defeat them pretty handily, but how would Olympiakos do against the low of the NBA?

Of all teams in need of a good scouting staff, the Grizzlies, who have had 10 top-six picks in 14 years of existence, are at the top of the list. The team had five amateur scouts last season (I'm not calling the scouts amateurs, they scouted amateur players). Next season, Geoff Calkins of the Memphis Commercial-Appeal reports, the team will have zero scouts. Zero.

It's an unbelievable concession, even in this economy. (Insert sad trombone sound.) The Bobcats declining to assemble a summer league squad -- that's unnerving. A team like the Grizzlies decided to detonate the entire scouting staff with the playoffs nowhere in sight? That's abominable.

Of course, given that a real estate mogul, team owner Michael Heisley, makes all the basketball decisions, maybe it's just as well.

If I told you that an NBA franchise elected to take on one of the most infamous locker room cancers in the NBA today, a player that brought failure and police blotter in his wake, you'd likely guffaw and ask who could possibly be running the operation. If I were to then inform you that they were in heavy talks to add a player that some consider essentially blacklisted and is renowned as one of the most combustible personalities in the league, on top of the prior acquisition, you'd probably be stunned at the ineptitude.

If I then informed you that that same team, according to ESPN, had decided to rescind a qualifying offer for a player who had been not only productive off the bench, but could play multiple positions for the depth-challenged team, who was a popular teammate among a young locker room, who always brought a good work ethic, and who they could have released a month earlier into free agency waters, you'd have to wonder if this team was possibly run by deranged clowns, potentially hailing from outer space.

But if I then told you that the team was the Memphis Grizzlies, you'd just nod your head and say, "Of course."

OK, sure. They traded their franchise player a year and a half ago for Kwame Brown and some Skittles. And yes, with the No. 2 pick they managed to select the only basketball player available who's biggest weakness is his ability to put the little ball in the big circle with the net attached (which I hear is kind of important). But hey, they needed to rebuild, and they rebuilt. But they have tons of cap space now, so much in fact, that they're actually under the CBA limit and have to spend some.

So they've stopped torturing their fans with one terrible decision after another right? Right? Guys? Anybody?

Oh, hi Zach Randolph. What are you ... doing ... here ...?

Oh, no.

Ronald Tillery of the Memphis Commercial-Appeal emptied his notebook on the paper's Grizzlies blog. The most incredible (if not uncredible) rumor had Clippers owner Donald Sterling nixing a trade which would have sent troubled/troubling Zach Randolph to Memphis for Darko Milicic and Greg Buckner. Darko instead went to the Knicks for Quentin Richardson and cash. Z-Bo remains directly in Blake Griffin's path and peripheral vision.

I have absolutely no clue why Sterling would nix a deal like this. The Clippers had nearly a full season to realize Randolph isn't worth it. He scores frequently but inefficiently, which is spyspeak for "he takes way too many shots." He's a great rebounder ... but so are Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman and Griffin. Randolph will make more than $33 million over the next two seasons, while Darko (a far better defender than Z-Bo) has a $7.5-million contract which expires after 2009-10 and Buckner's contract can be bought out for about $2 million.

The "ball off the defender's back --> easy layup inbounds pass" is one of the truly great punkings that one can pull off on a basketball court. It rarely happens, though, outside of movies, and when it does, it never happens to good players. Just people like Zach Randolph. And Shawn Bradley. But last night, Chauncey Billups pulled a fast one on Kobe Bryant, literally using No. 24 for an easy bucket. Via the Drs. of Hoop, obviously.

Moments after learning that his team had won the 2009 NBA Draft lottery, Clippers president Andy Roeser had a look of euphoria. Within an hour later, he was already back to work taking questions from reporters in a post-lottery conference call.

Roeser didn't come right out and say the Clippers were going to draft Blake Griffin, but he certainly didn't hold back any compliments when talking about him, either.

For a full transcript of his comments, from his thoughts on Mike Dunleavy's job security ("We have every intention of opening camp with Coach Dunleavy this year -- although I think that we have every intention of approaching some things differently, too.") to his not-so-vague comments about which veterans need to improve ("Baron Davis did not have a particularly good season. He knows that; we know that."), keep reading.

When the Clippers traded for Zach Randolph, they also received a truckload of baggage. Actually, strike that, they got "Rolls Royce load."

According to TMZ.com, Randolph was arrested for DUI last night after officers spotted his Rolls weaving in and out of his lane. After pulling him over, officers smelled alcohol, prompting them to ask Randolph to perform field sobriety tests, which he failed. He spent the night in jail, and according to our favorite celebrity rumor-mongers, is being held without bail.

NBA Essentials provides the must-see links, quotes and videos of the day.

-- [Zach] Randolph laughed when I asked him if he felt the Knicks made a mistake in trading him away. "Yeah," he said with a big smile beaming. "It was definitely a mistake." [...] If they wind up with LeBron, Zach says he can understand moving him. But Chris Bosh? "I'm better than Chris Bosh," he said. -- Alan Hahn on Newday

-- "I retired," Arenas said in the home locker room before Washington's game against Charlotte. "No more blogging for me." [...] "It's just like the double-(edged) sword thing: Eventually your words is going to kill you," Arenas said with a smile. -- Gilbert Arenas