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Texans 29, Dolphins 28: Houston No Longer O-fer, My Brain Doesn't Explode

Really, I don't know what to say about this game. The Texans are playing some maddening, inexplicable ball this year. Today, they ended up winning despite themselves and because of themselves. If you want to read a normal summation of the game, check out the AP report. If you want to read the relieved quote sheet from the Texans owner, coach and players, check out this.

This game is an illustration of why fans should always always always stay until the end. Here's my running commentary of select plays at the end of this game:

With 6:08 left in the game, Houston is forced to kick a 42 yard field goal to be up 23-21.

At the Miami 36 with 3:18 on the clock, Chad Pennington throws an interception picked off by safety Eugene Wilson. Instead of sitting down, Wilson runs towards the endzone but fumbles at the 27. My brain almost explodes. Fortunately, I had consumed a slight amount of alcohol that thinned my blood enough to prevent a full blown Scanners event.

The Texans defense is so horrific that they allow Miami to score a touchdown in only 5 plays and in 1:19 seconds. 28-23. Boooo!!!!! But wait, this leaves 1:45 on the clock. Keep hope alive and all that nonsense.

Jets 26, Bengals 14: It Doesn't Take Much to Beat the Bengals These Days

After beating the hapless Bengals on Sunday, the New York Jets are 3-2 and very much in the AFC playoff hunt. That's the good news. The bad news is that they played poorly against a terrible team and look no closer to putting together the kind of complete performance that will make the playoffs a reality.

Their disjointed performance is even more damning when you consider that they had two weeks to prepare for Cincinnati. Given short fields all day thanks to Leon Washington's fine work on punt returns, the offense played sloppy, ineffective football and failed to convert on many of their opportunities.

Brett Favre committed three turnovers to remind Jet fans that it isn't all laser beam touchdown passes when you employ the good ol' gunslinger. His attempt to try and pull a rabbit out of his hat led to a fumble on the third play of the game which Cincinnati returned for a touchdown and early 7-0 lead. Two interceptions followed that miscue and helped keep the Bengals in a game that should have been over well before Thomas Jones's third touchdown of the day iced it with just over two minutes to play.

Dolphins 'Wildcat Formation' Brings Another Wrinkle; Another Big Play

You had to know at some point that the Dolphins would do this.

The "Wildcat Formation" that has been so successful for the Miami Dolphins has struck for yet another huge play. The formation has featured Ronnie Brown taking the direct snap, Ricky Williams to his wing and Chad Pennington lined up as a receiver. Since implementing it in Week 3, Brown has kept the ball and ran for himself for several touchdowns, he's thrown a TD pass and had Ricky Williams break off some nice runs.

You knew that there was another wrinkle ready and Miami just showed it.

Brown took the snap and immediately handed it off to Ricky Williams. Williams ran parallel to the line of scrimmage looking for an opening. That's when Pennington reversed back behind Ricky, who then pitched the ball back to Pennington. The real quarterback found Patrick Cobbs running free in the Texans secondary and connected for a 53-yard touchdown.

It amazes me how effective this gadget play has worked over the past month for Miami.

Chad Pennington Wants to Do More Than Throw Changeups

This is the first I'm hearing of this, but, apparently, Dolphins quarterback Chad Pennington has a noodle arm. And not only that, he's been plagued with the affliction his entire football career. Weird.

Well, he's had enough; after unceremoniously losing his job to Kellen Clemens last year in New York, Pennington decided to do something about it. He got together with his trainer Charles Petrone to meticulously reexamine his approach to throwing a football.
The quarterback conducted an extensive study into how he could alter his throwing mechanics to increase his velocity while maintaining his accuracy. Then, he and Petrone took his newfound devotion to the weight room.

Pennington and Petrone also sought assistance from a body alignment specialist and a rehabilitation specialist.

''We basically brought in a whole Team Pennington, and I was making sure everybody was doing their job,'' Petrone said. ``So this year will be even better because he's getting these alignments done and he's getting healthy.

``He has all this power, and his body feels good.''
That's all well and good, but I'll be honest, I haven't noticed any difference in Pennington's fastball. That's not to say he's a bad quarterback, or can't make it in the NFL (since, you, know, he's pretty good, and has been in the league for nine seasons), just that he still seems to be bringing the Charlie Hough heater.

If Pennington were really serious about this, he'd take Simmons' advice:

Great News, Family and Friends of Ryan Fitzpatrick: He's Starting This Week

Yesterday, Carson Palmer admitted that his sore right elbow kept him from having the confidence to make certain throws during the Dallas game (his ability to throw interceptions was unaffected, however; his first pass was tipped to Cowboys linebacker Greg Ellis).

Palmer originally suffered the injury during the Week 3 loss to the Giants, and backup Ryan Fitzpatrick had to will the team to defeat against the then-winless Browns seven days later.

Palmer made an appearance last Sunday, but apparently his elbow injury has worsened, which means MORE FITZPATRICK FOR EVERYBODY! But there's more good news: it's not a season-ending condition for Palmer, so he'll be back (although, to be fair, Palmer might be fine with taking off the next 10 months to regroup).
Lewis indicated Palmer's injury is not a season-ending condition, but the club wants to try getting him some rest so it doesn't become a week-to-week situation. Lewis didn't rule out Palmer as a backup for Sunday and wouldn't say if he will be the No. 2 or No. 3 quarterback.

"We're trying to get it not a week-to-week thing," Lewis said. "We want to get the thing calmed down so it doesn't give him any irritation or problems at all."

Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines: Week 6

Well, five weeks in and I finally land my first push. Which is good news (and a little bizarre) I guess, since I still went 5-7-1 for the week. Which brings my astounding season total to 31-41-1. On the bright side, my Tungsten picks are 7-3, so if you've been placing your money ... actually scratch that. If you're wagering on my picks, you're a bigger loser than me.

But, I have been known to occasionally get warm. Streaky business this handicapping. Let's rock.

Oakland Raiders @ New Orleans Saints (-7)
You would think that the Saints could come off Monday night's debacle and piece together a decent game against the frigging Raiders. And I don't want Mantz accusing me of jinxing the Saints this week. Or did I just do that? Crap.

Saints -7

Baltimore Ravens @ Indianapolis Colts (-4)
Peyton Manning is like the Phil Mickelson of football and that should be self explanatory. (Loser turned winner goofball type.) Sage Rosenfels is still working on that transition so maybe Peyton doesn't deserve all the credit. Still, I'm not generally inclined to bet on Joe Flacco over anyone named Manning.

Colts -4

Cincinnati Bengals @ New York Jets (-6)
Doesn't this feel like a trap game? Cincy's horrible but they've at least been close in a few recent games. Jets favored by less than a touchdown, people teasing Brett Favre all over the place (No, not the "Nice painkiller addiction, wuss!!" type of teasing, you jackass.) And then BAM. Ryan Fitzpatrick gets all up in your bidness.

Bengals +6

Brett Favre and Bengals Have Traveled Much Different Roads Since Their First Meeting



The last time Brett Favre didn't start a game for his team was September 1992. That game was against the Cincinnati Bengals.

Packers starter Don Majkowski injured his ankle early in the game and Favre was inserted into the game. Despite everyone's glowing review of that performance, Favre fumbled four times and Green Bay fans were chanting for third string QB Ty Detmer.

However, Favre's legend was born when, trailing 23-17 with just over a minute remaining, he led the Packers on a 92-yard drive that ended with a game winning touchdown pass. Favre has since started the next 257 games for the Packers and Jets.

Favre will see the Cincinnati Bengals this Sunday in pretty much the exact state as that day in 1992.

Ronnie Brown Fined for ... Dancing? Really?



Well, it's been 15 minutes, which means it's time for the NFL Gestapo to sanction somebody -- anybody -- for breaking a rule that the majority of the football-viewing public couldn't care less about: yep, the scourge of professional sports everywhere: choreographed group celebrations. Jeebus.

During Wednesday's Official Review segment on Total Access, head of officiating Mike Pereira admitted that the Ronnie Brown et al touchdown shimmy highlighted above (around the 5:30 mark) should've been flagged because it was premeditated. No penalty was called, but the league, clearly looking to send a message to would-be end zone gyraters around the country, did slap Brown with a fine.
After scoring on a 5-yard run out of the Wildcat formation, Brown and two of his offensive linemen, Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe, gathered in the end zone and performed the Cupid Shuffle, which is a line dance.

The choreographed performance, which Brown admitted he and the entire starting line practiced during last Friday's walkthrough, violates the league's rules against group celebrations, which must be spontaneous. ...
Brown would only say "enough" when asked about the amount of the fine, although the Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly writes that "such infractions typically go for about $7,500." (But, hey, at least the NFL is consistent about meting out the punishment.)

Tom Brady Has Knee Surgery, Reports Are It Went Well

One month after Kansas City Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard ended the season of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, the superstar underwent surgery this week to repair the inner workings of his left knee. Early reports are that the operation was a success, which is good news for Boston area football fans.

From Patriots beat writer Mike Reiss of the Boston Globe:
Brady's surgery took place 29 days after he was injured in the Patriots' 17-10 season-opening win over the Chiefs. Multiple sources told the Globe that Brady tore the anterior cruciate ligament and medial collateral ligament in his knee when hit by Kansas City safety Bernard Pollard. In cases similar to Brady's, doctors often wait for the MCL to heal before reconstructing the ACL. That is typically a four- to six-week window, so Brady is closer to the early side.
You see folks, that's how good Tom Brady is. Even his knee heals faster than the typical knee. Or something. The Patriots offense clearly hasn't been the same without him, even though the team is 3-1 and tied for the top spot in the AFC East.

In a sort of unrelated question, does the knee injury prevent him from getting down on one knee to propose? Yes? No? Get off the stage?

If Your Locker Smells of Dead Animal, You Might Be Brett Favre's Teammate

When the Jets were trying to finalize the Brett Favre trade, they had to spend a lot of time assuring Favre that he wouldn't be out of place in the big city. Splitting his time between Mississippi and Green Bay had kept him away from the urban jungle and the Jets had to pull out all the stops to convince him that he wouldn't have to alter his lifestyle too much.

One of the promises was that there was plenty of good hunting in New Jersey. Recently, Favre's teammate Eric Barton found out that Favre's making himself right at home. There appears to be plenty of good hunting in the Garden State, although I'm not sure if this is the preferred use of game.

Some teammates believe it was a wild turkey, but regardless, they all gathered around Barton's locker and engaged in fits of laughter. The dead animal was inside a bag that was filled with blood and guts.

"It definitely had the wow factor," said left guard Alan Faneca, whose locker is next to Barton's. "I've never had a dead animal brought into the locker room, so yeah, it's up there."

I wonder if Michael Vick ever thought of pulling such a prank to provide a little levity in the Atlanta Falcons locker room? I suppose not, as his actions had wow factor well beyond anything Favre ever pulled.

(H/T Deadspin)

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