FanHouse

Somebody, anybody, give Barry Bonds a job. He's an interesting character. He'll bring fans into the stadium and sell merchandise. He'll hit you at least 20 homeruns in your DH or "bench" positions. The steroids and the media circus might be a detraction, but hey, you could add Amy Winehouse to your 40-man roster and get more production in the heat of constant scandal than you'd get from, say, Andy Marte. Andy Marte couldn't hit .200 if he had all season. Barry could probably do it in one game!

Whether or not he's good for baseball is irrelevant. He's good for The Dugout. MLB, pretend you're the NBA for a minute and put him on whatever team needs "stars." While you're at it, put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame. And come up with about 12 new words that rhyme with "stained" or "game."

Is Barry Bonds retired? I'm not sure! Let's ask him! Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

(spoiler: no)

If there's one thing someone like Barry Bonds (or, say, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro or Paul Lo Duca, to name a few) should never, ever, ever, ever be give the authority to do, it is influence young, impressionable baseball playing men.

But Barry, via LBS, thinks for some reason, should be decide to actually give up the pipe dream of getting another gig with a baseball team, that he might want to become a coach of a college baseball team. And he told the public this at the Giants 50th anniversary celebration (seen above).

I think the best position for me would probably be in a college - that's how I feel. I'd rather teach kids what they want to do and what to do to get to the major leagues. I see myself doing something like that moreso than doing something in the major leagues if that time comes for me to make that decision.

Yeah. And maybe Jeffrey Dahmer should have gotten a job with Emeril or Jesse James with BB&T. All seem like logical choices, historical hindsight be damned.

Then again, Barry Lamar is a pretty damn good hitter and if he has somehow managed to learn his lesson about bending the rules to get ahead, then he could prove a pretty good physical and moral mentor to students. But for the moment, well, maybe we should hold off on that.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups.

Los Angeles Dodgers (58-58) at San Francisco Giants (49-66) 4:05 PM ET

Barry Bonds returned to the Giants last night. Somewhat.

He made a surprise appearance at a celebration of the Giants best outfielders of the last 50 seasons as part of their anniversary season in San Francisco. He made a Schwarzenegger type "I'll be back" proclamation when he stood at the podium, pointed at Joe Torre and said: "You heard me Torre, I beat you before and I can beat you again. I haven't retired. Thank you."

Could Barry Bonds make another surprise appearance at the ballpark today? As a pinch hitter? Somehow, I doubt Torre is worried with the Giants eight and a half behind them.

Do you remember where you were one year ago? I was on my aunt's couch in Aiken, South Carolina enjoying the air conditioning after spending a day in the 105 degree heat, watching the Pirates play the Diamondbacks on my computer. My brother was watching SportsCenter on my aunt's TV as the clock crawled past midnight. As they'd been doing all week, ESPN cut away from SC to play Barry Bonds' at-bat live. That meant that I got to watch the player I'd grown to loathe as a Pirate fan hit his 756th home run off of Mike Bacsik, along with the message from Hank Aaron and the truly touching speech from Bonds made with his godfather, Willie Mays, at his side.

Like everyone else, we here at FanHouse went crazy posting Bonds news and opinions. We made at least six posts on Bonds alone in twelve hours after his record-setting homer. One year later, you have to scour the internet for a reminder that this is the one year anniversary of the most sacred record in American sports being broken.

In the year since Bonds broke Hank Aaron's record, the Mitchell Report broke and the Roger Clemens circus started while Bonds has essentially been strong-armed out of the game by owners not willing to put up with the media circus that constantly surrounds him. Rather than deal with their problems, baseball seems content to use Bonds and Clemens as scapegoats and merely erase them from the public mind.

Barry Bonds never existed. Roger Clemens never existed. Steroids never existed. Move along with your life. Please take note of the rainbow in the sky, but not the flood rushing towards you.

It's been a while around these parts since we mentioned Barry Zito. After all, it's not really any fun to point out that the guy has been fairly successful (read: not a full on embarrassment) lately. Anyone can do that.

But now that he's sliding back into the lower levels of mediocrity, it's nice to note that things are so bad he's turned to tossing batting practice for the Giants (who are, mind you, not the most offensively minded team).

"It's always a great benefit throwing against hitters in game situations," said Zito, coming off a loss against Arizona in which he allowed six runs and five walks in five innings. "It's something I've done in the past in Oakland here or there. I've got 30 pitches on the side. Why not take advantage of the guys and get their feedback?"

Let's not use words like 'old school' (later in the article) and 'take advantage' like this is something everyone does, people.

Barry's doing it because he honestly can't figure out what the mess is going on -- like me on the driving range. Only I don't get paid eleventy billion dollars to hit on the driving range. So there's that.

Oh, and if you're curious how this relates to the trading deadline today, well, Barry Zito is the only untradeable player in MLB right now. So there's that too.

July 31 is rapidly approaching. Buy or Sell lets each team know where they stand.

It's very odd that a) the Giants are not completely out of their division race and b) that somehow, they are reasonably stocked with prospects. Just imagine what would have happened if Brian Sabean really knew what he was doing.

However, as we have seen from the trade of Ray Durham to the Milwaukee Brewers, the Giants are, heading into the final 11 days before the trade deadline, most certainly sellers. They stand eight games back of their division, and it's not likely that even the most stout of second halves from their youngsters or tepid of performances by the Dbacks and Dodgers will let them sneak into the playoffs.

In terms of assets and receivables, the Giants have a pretty decent situation. They have no true veteran superstar to deal (unless they're willing to pay 75% of Barry Zito's contract and his "star" status is certainly debatable). In addition, they need young offensive help, but they need it everywhere, so it's not like they need to be picky.

Rich Aurilia, Dave Roberts, Randy Winn and even Omar Vizquel represent tradeable veteran talent with three or less years on their contract. They aren't premiere guys by any means, and the two years after this season that will saddle the receiving team might negate their trade value.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups.

Oakland Athletics (51-46) at New York Yankees (52-45) - 1:05 PM ET

In case yesterday's Yankee starter Joba Chamberlain needs a role model to help him make a more seamless transition from reliever to starter, he need look no further than across the diamond at today's Oakland starter, Justin Duchscherer. "Duke" is 10-5 with a 1.82 ERA after making the transition, and has been keeping the Athletics in the race even after guys like Rich Harden and Joe Blanton were sent packing. But with Duchscherer looking for a long term deal, could he be the next to go? Just as Duchscherer would be looking to cash in on his best season, Billy Beane may be looking to cash in as well, as Duchscherer is a free agent after this season.

But in the meantime, Duchscherer will try like heck to prevent a Yankee sweep as he goes up against Andy Pettitte.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups.

San Francisco Giants (39-54) at Chicago Cubs (56-37) - 1:05 PM ET

Here you go, boys and girls. The Cubs' answer to Brewer-mania is here. Sure CC Sabathia has made the Brewers about as popular as free gasoline or free beer. But the Cubs have been popular since William McKinley was president ... and as Rich Harden makes his Cubs debut today, I'm sure some of that free beer will be flowing up and down Addison. At first the beer will go down throats in celebration. But Cubs fans had better hope that Harden stays relatively healthy this season, or that beer will turn out to be nothing more than sorrowful suds.

By the way, Harden's career numbers against the Giants: Four starts, 2-0, 0.84 ERA, 0.61 WHIP, .074 BAA. Chew on that.

With all the Alex Rodriguez and Madonna nonsense going on, it's brought up a lot of debate as to whether or not a player's personal life is something that should be covered with such zeal. Personally, I'm more on the side that says somebody's family life should be exactly that, and unless they're breaking the law or endangering others, it really shouldn't be any of our business. I don't care whether your A-Rod or Rasho Nesterovic, your home life should be just that.

Still, I understand the coverage of the story. I mean, it's baseball's best/highest paid player reportedly having an affair with an aging pop icon as his wife leaves him for another rock star. It sounds like an epically bad movie of the week, and it's the kind of thing people are interested in reading. So while I generally don't like reporting on stories like this, I understand that readers want it, so I'll do it and just shower afterwards to feel better.

Tabloids aren't always bad, though, as there are times when they save a lot of people quite a bit of pain. Like any of you New Yorkers out there who complain about the Post or Page Six, you should probably be grateful they exist, because if they didn't you'd likely have to be watching Barry Zito pitch every five days.